the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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