You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
