That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
