I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
