How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
