I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
