Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
