Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
