Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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