I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
