Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
