you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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