I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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