I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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