SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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