theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
