standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize