alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
