he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They are going to name an STD after you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
