hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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