how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
