it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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