I can tuck mytits in my pants
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
