I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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