She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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