i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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