True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
