I need help removing her.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
