Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
