she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
