we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
