Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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