I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
