How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
