I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
