a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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