please come you make the beer taste better
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
