Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
