that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
