My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize