I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
