the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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