Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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