The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
