when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
