Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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