Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
