Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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