just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
