I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
