I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
