two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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