I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize