I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
