She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he thought i was a dude.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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