We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
