think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
