So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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