youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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