Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
