i think i have two assholes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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