READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
