My sheets look like a crime scene.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
