you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
