I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize