I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
