i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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