so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
