Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My nipple is on Facebook.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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