My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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