Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
