Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did I show you my penis last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
