I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
