I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
