I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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