So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
