Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
