i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
