just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
