Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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