Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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