it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
