Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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