Only a mothe r could love this liver
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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