he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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