wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
