Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
