You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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