He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
