Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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