did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
