so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it because I queefed?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
