And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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