He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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