u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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