The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
