last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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