i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
