I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
