Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
