he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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