you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Boobs speak an international language.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
