i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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