I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
