i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
