i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
