i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize