Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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